From Fraud to Boss: A Tale of Impostor Syndrome
The beauty of the impostor syndrome is you vacillate between extreme egomania and a complete feeling of: ‘I’m a fraud! Oh God, they’re on to me! I’m a fraud!’ . . . just try to ride the egomania when it comes and enjoy it, and then slide through the idea of fraud
Tina Fey
I’m good at my job. At times it can even be said that I am great at it. Please note that I don’t say this with an ounce of overzealous weight but as an actual fact. For those of us who have been labeled as high achievers it is normal to want to succeed in every area we exist in: careers, hobbies (do people still have those..lbvs), relationships, monopoly. We tend to be competitive.
On the subject of work I can humbly talk my shit like a Rick Ross and Drake collaboration however tend to have enough self-awareness to know that I don’t know everything. I can be called a student of life. A person who is constantly seeking for something new to learn or understand. It’s not a want but a need to know new things. It parallels the feeling that overcomes you when you’ve met someone new. You start this all too familiar process of seeing the immediate need to learn everything about their life from conception to present. There is a level of intimacy that happens when you’ve stepped into a the space of being a novice.
As good as I know I am in certain areas I still have plenty of moments where I feel insufficient. The idea that my work, but really me, is not good enough is what tends to fuel my need to both know and do more. I have to continuously prove that I deserve a seat at “the table” that I have already been given (read earned). As the complexity of my role, and life, continues to increase so does the speed at which this feeling runs rampant like a footloose toddler in the fragile section of Crate & Barrel. It creeps up my spine before giving a presentation. I feel it tingling in my fingers when sending an email to a VP; tickles my throat when being pulled into staff meetings and bombarded with questions. It peaks when I feel like I’ve stumbled. I don’t belong here because I’m good. It’s not talent that’s gotten me in these rooms, it’s luck. I am good in the now, what about later? How long until I make my first error that will lift the cover on my life and my peers will see that I’m here by mistake not design?
It’s Impostor Syndrome.
Impostor Syndrome is what sits in the back of our mind telling us that we aren’t good enough for that promotion/job/role/title change. It keeps us applying from that fire ass job we dream of because we don’t check every box. It operates in fear not reality. Even while sitting at the table it holds us back from speaking up. It’s easier to remain unseen in the background. We aim to be visible and invisible congruently. We all love to keep the external image of us pristine yet on the inside it’s pure chaos. The most confident of women fall victim to feeling that their success isn’t real.
“I remember when I was dropped by my agents early, early on in my career. They said I didn’t pop when I walked into a room. At the time, maybe I didn’t pop when I walked into a room or maybe I didn’t know who I was but it was one of those moments in my life and in my career where I remember crying to my sister and thinking, ‘I don’t know that I can do this as a career. This is too hard.’ And if [doing this] means that people get to make a comment on who I am, I took it very personally and it was the beginning of a lot of growth of me. A lot of what people think of me is none of my business. It kinda doesn’t matter to me. I get to follow my own bliss. I unconsciously set a really clear intention of what I wanted my job and career to be. It was the beginning of who I wanted to be and I made the choice in that moment that I was only going to continue doing acting if it was fun. It has done that.
Tracee Ellis Ross, Vibe March 2015
Facts are Facts (and numbers too)
We are 16% less likely to apply for a position after viewing it than men
We apply for 20% fewer jobs than men
We are 26% less likely to ask for a referral.
We tend to only apply for jobs if we meet 100% of the criteria unlike men who will apply if they meet 60%
The hiring process isn’t always in our favor…
13% of recruiters are less likely to click on a woman’s profile when she shows up in a search
3% less likely to InMail a woman
51% of hiring managers are influenced by a candidate’s gender.
Both men and women are twice as more likely to hire a male candidate over a woman
Hiring managers are more likely to ask women about their roles at home and family life
….yet even though we are more selective, we prove to be better candidates.
Women are 25-40% more likely to be hired with blind candidacy
16% more likely to get the position after applying
18% more likely to get hired for a senior-level position.
Once we get the job, there are things that impact us in the workplace as well
Women are often perceived negatively for being assertive or taking leadership roles.
Women are seen as competent or likable but rarely both.
Men are 30% more likely to obtain managerial roles
60% of male managers are uncomfortable managing or mentoring a woman one-on-one
As Black Women, these statistics get slimmer. In my past roles, I have often found myself being the only Black woman in the room, the state, and at times the division. I lived in a space where I felt I had to be mindful of everything from my hair to if my clothes would bring unwanted attention. It took me years to not only stop second-guessing myself but to just be Brittany.
Of the 5 types of Impostor Syndrome, I identify most as with The Expert. I find a new skill/thing to learn, become obsessed with it, gain proficiency, then repeat with something else. It’s as systematic as wash day. There is a line between wanting to develop your skills versus feeling the need to do so because that is the only way you will succeed. I say this now as I am getting another certification all while learning an entirely new job function. Yes, I’m tired, but I still find the energy to do the most because If I don’t how will I win at this ginormous game of chess? How does this phenomenal ass drip that the outside world sees make its way to my own belief about myself in the workplace? I have to consistently remind myself although I am a super woman, I don’t have to be superwoman.
We are here because we deserve, worthy, and earned it. You are already at the table so put Boss Bish Bass in your voice and get comfortable there.
Here are a few things I do to help with Impostor Syndrome:
Own your success. Admit to yourself that you have done a good job. Don’t be afraid to tell yourself that you did a good job, too. Don’t be afraid to be like Issa in the bathroom mirror. If you have to rap it, sing it, whisper it…do it.
Have “Brag Bag.” I keep an archive folder of emails that I save where I have received kudos or shout outs from other people. When I need a reminder of who TF I am I get in the bag so I can get..in the bag. YKTV
I keep a personal project management sheet for all the tasks/projects I’m working on with the status, key stakeholders, and date. Foremost it helps me keep the million things I do organized but it also reminds me of all the things I have done.
Some days I just have to invoke the energy of a mediocre white man and keep it moving, honestly. I mean that in the most literal sense. Acknowledge the error, don’t let it define me and leave it where it is.
Having a support system is crucial. People who understand where you are and what you are going through. At the same time, you can’t fake the funk and have to realize no one is coming to save you. Your friends and family can only get you through so much. Do this for you and no one else.
As Impostor Syndrome is a common phenomena especially surrounding Black women, I spoke with some of the ladies I know dominating in their fields and discussed their experiences in Corporate America as well as how they put Boss Bish Bass in their voice to build confidence in their career.
These are some of the highlights from the interview, however I suggest you read all of the answers. These ladies shared their experiences in the most transparent way, honesty. Find twenty pages of heat here
Aleah, Clients Insights Lead - IRI International
What was some advice given to you about being a Black Woman in the workplace that impacted you?
Don' take feedback so personal. Feedback around your abilities to do a task has nothing to do with your character or you as person. Maybe they just want it done a certain way, that does not mean I am a bad person or bad at my job.
Do you feel that once you obtain a certain level of success impostor syndrome goes away or is it something that stays with you as you climb?
Not being able to be yourself is one of the saddest things ever. I would encourage women in Corp America to do the work early to kick this. Knowing how to "turn it on and turn it off" is very different than impostor syndrome. It's hard enough being a Black Woman in America, being someone else on top of that...whew chile.
I am a firm believer of putting “Boss Bish Bass” in your voice. What is your favorite way of making sure you’re being heard?
You have to know your audience. For some you need to assert yourself but for others withholding your opinions speaks louder. Give them a chance to miss you and your value on a few things. You will find them asking you specifically what you think and how you would approach things.
Jenae, Program Manager - Google
Impostor syndrome can impact the way we feel emotionally and mentally about ourselves. How has it impacted you? How has it impacted your relationships?
My college experience was filled with me struggling to find an internship or a job related to the tech field. I was experiencing a lot of "we want an intern with experience" type of bottlenecks that I'd like to argue - defeats the entire point. I decided to take a backdoor approach by strategically attending tech events that were filled with people and conversations I wanted to be more involved in despite not knowing the first thing about any of this.
In those spaces, I got the chance to admire people with cool jobs and even students that were extremely hungry for an opportunity to work there. I even began to befriend these students and pick up on their habits. Unbeknownst to me, I was learning how to mimic their behaviors and eventually land the same type of jobs I saw them hunting down. "Fake it to you make it" if you will.
Hard yikes is what I realized years later: my admiration was rooted in comparison. So whenever my career began to climb, I was sitting in rooms that felt like the rooms I used to sit in while in college and I would somehow convince myself that I was the MOST underqualified, undeserving, and invaluable person there. I felt that my knowledge was based on the fact that I was just shadowing the people who actually deserved the spot I was in. It was a mentally draining AF for me because imposter syndrome is just a form of self-bullying and… I was whooping my own ass consistently by undermining myself.
Ironically, it took the boss that inflated my impostor syndrome the absolute most to point out my disengagement at work to give me a reality check about how I'd been operating up until that point. I had years of operating below my frequency because I thought I was not enough to be in the rooms God put me in. Tuh!
Hashtag Blessedt
Hashtag ThankGod
Hashtag HeDidDat
Britney, Manager - Accelerated Growth Advisors
What was some advice given to you about being a Black Woman in the workplace that impacted you?
When I first started my career a number of my clients had children my age. I often felt self conscious about my position and my manager would constantly remind me of 2 things.
1. I deserve to be in the room. We often discount our accomplishments but it’s important to recognize where your hard work got you.
2. What someone lacks in age can be made up for by preparation , intellectual curiosity intelligence.
What is the number one piece of advice you would give to black women climbing the corporate ladder?
Don’t dim your light. Sometimes we fall into a trap of trying to be like other successful people. We can learn from them but being your authentic self will take you further than trying to be someone else.
How do others support you when you are suffering from an impostor syndrome moment?
Affirm, affirm and affirm!! Whenever I’m having moments where I’m doubting myself, I will pull a coworker that I trust aside. I will explain to them what triggered the feeling and let them know that I need some affirmation. Even if it’s not a coworker, having a friend that can speak life over you makes a huge difference.
Kia, Senior Project Manager -Associa
What microaggressions have you faced in the workplace? How did they make you feel? If you chose to address the situation, how did you go about it?
In a previous role I worked as a consultant for a rapidly growing technology company. Having majored in engineering, I've had a lot of experiences where I was the only one (woman, black person etc.) but that was honestly the first time where I was made to feel different and out of placed. My coworkers would make disparaging remarks about the South Side of Chicago (predominately Black and the area I grew up in), or openly discriminate against people of color in conversations. Honestly, I never addressed it because I didn't feel supported nor did I have an avenue to report these incidents (the company didn't have an HR department until after it was acquired). I became so stressed out from mere idea of going to work that my immune system started to break down and I was sick all the time. That experience showed me how necessary it is to have a healthy working environment, and the impact on my mental and physical health. I'll never allow myself to be subjected to that type of treatment ever again.
Does your current role allow you you feel as though you can be yourself at work?
The biggest expression of my comfort level is how I wear my hair. I have a 3b/3c texture and wear my hair in a wash and go most days of the week. Having successfully overcome heat damage, I'm not reverting back to straightening my hair just to make other around me feel more comfortable. If I find myself in an environment that tries to make me feel otherwise, then it's time to change where I am, not myself.
How have you battled overcoming Impostor Syndrome
Each type of impostor syndrome has manifested in my life at some point in time. High school me needed to lean on my natural intellectual ability to prove I was "smart enough". College me hated asking anyone for help to avoid looking "weak" or "incapable". As a working professional I struggle with the concept of being perfect, and asses myself through a very critical lens. I've had to learn (with the help of my therapist), to stop obsession over minutia in an attempt to control every situation.
Kym, Associate—Goldman Sachs
There are 5 types of impostor syndrome. Which one do you identify with the most?
The Perfectionist. I was the only person of color in my last role, and there are not any black woman in my current position. So there is constant pressure to be perfect because I feel like I am a representation of black women now and those to follow.
Before entering your first role in corporate America, what did you think it would be like? What was your first “real view” of entering the workforce
I graduated the year after “Wolf on Wall Street” came out. I knew that it was a dramatization of what it would be like to work in finance. However, my grandmother always told me there is still some truth to a story (lie). I went in immediately thinking it was going to be men yelling and screaming at each other — no women in sight and lots of questionable illegal activity. My first day was great. I was met with such kindness and a team that embraced my differences. I started at a boutique asset management company, and I was the first person of color they had ever hired (which came with its battles which I would figure out later). There was only one other woman at the firm, and there was an immense focus on making money and doing whatever it takes for our clients. It was also very quiet. I recall being able to hear nothing but keystrokes and feeling like if I cough, I might cause a stir.
What has been your most important accomplishment to date in your career?
Learning my professional worth. I broke into finance with a Sociology degree. I felt so just lucky to be there that I didn’t let my voice be heard or contribute. I was afraid someone would think I wasn’t supposed to be there, and then it would be over for me. I also thought my colleagues had so much more to offer than me since they had finance work experience, business degrees, and top internships. So I spent the first year of my career afraid to speak up.
In all honesty, I didn’t realized my worth/find my “Boss Bish” voice until my former manager, said Kym we hired you because we thought you would add value and bring great ideas to the firm. I feel like you have them, but you’re keeping them to yourself. That is when I think I unlocked my true potential. I may not have taken any business classes, but I have a unique perspective and a different way to tackle business issues. As a sociologist, I was thought to look at problems differently, and that was my value add, which is what spring boarded me to land a job at a top investment bank. I realized I deserved a seat at the table, and my voice and ideas needed to be heard at a global level.
Camille, Trade Marketing Director —BBC Global News
Did anyone in your life ever speak to you about impostor syndrome or was this an idea/term you heard from another source?
My parents never talked to me about it. I started to hear it somewhere along the way. I think it was around the time when all of my friends were also entering the workforce and we were trying to figure out how to navigate it together. I do question if I'll ever grow out of it sometimes or its one of those things you kind of learn to manage.
How do others support you when you are suffering from an impostor syndrome moment?
Group chats are key! I have several of them and the support is immense. Even though most of my friends don't work in the same industry as me we make sure to just hype each other up as much as possible. Having a space to vent and talk about what went right or wrong with your day and how you had to talk yourself through those moments of self-doubt, truly is a game-changer. I try to remind my friends as well just what bosses they are and that they can really navigate any situation because were built to be great.
What is the number one piece of advice you would give to women climbing the corporate ladder?
Salary should NOT be shrouded in mystery. I am happy to have a few close girlfriends who discuss salary openly and we compare notes around negotiation, are we getting paid what we are worth and more. It only benefits companies when we aren't having open conversations around what we make and how we can be making more. KNOW YOUR WORTH!